Unique and special
by Harvey the Wonder Hamster
Summary: "It's just a name, okay!  As I was saying,"  He, again, glared at Matt. "What you're basically saying is "You're unique and special Johnny, just like everybody else."  How the hell is that supposed to 'motivate' them?"  Again, the motivator hesitated.                   Oneshot.


**Yo! This is another crackfic. Only with Death Note. I am planning on attempting to write a noncrackfic on Hollow by Jessica Verday. And everyone who had ever read that book knows it is one of the best series ever. **

** Until my plan to take over the world takes place, I own nothing.**

"So, why are we here?" Linda asked. She was sitting crosslegged in a chair, doodling on her sketchpad, her bonde hair up in ponytail. Near was sitting on the floor, his left leg up, putting together his plain puzzle with the L in the upper corner. Matt and Mello were sitting side by side. Matt was playing his new Pokemon game on his Gameboy. Mello was eating chocolate, of course, and L was sitting in a chair in the corner, eating a banana, observing the scene. Whammy stood in the middle of the room, shifting from foot to foot.

"Well, the woman down the street voiced her concerns and we thought it was best not to ignore it so...we arranged for a...motivational o speak to you. Mr. Wigggles, if you would please." Whammy walked out of the room and a man who looked about 34 stepped out. He had longish brown hair and eyes to match. He had on a light blue dress shirt and smart looking slacks.

"Hello everyone my name is Mr. Wiggles-" He ignored Mello's snicker. "and I am here to help get you motivated. Hint the motivator in-"

"Excuse me." L interrupted. "Do you enjoy strawberries?" Mr. Wiggles nodded slowly.

"Yes, I like strawberries." L nodded, putting his finger to his mouth, looking thoughtful. He made a motion with his hand.

"You may continue." Mr. Wiggles nodded.

"Thank you...?" L cocked his head.

"Russ." Mr. Wiggles snapped his fingers and nodded his head.

"Russ. Russ. I'll remember that. Anyone else have a question? No? Good, then we'll-"

"I have a question." Mello spoke up, grinning wickedly. Mr. Wiggles nodded and made a hand motion to go ahead. Mello began speaking.

"Tell me" he paused "Mr. Wiggles, Why are you here?" Mr. Wiggles eyesbrows furrowed but he answered anyways.

"I am here to motivate you and moving to-"

"Wait! I have more questions." Mello snapped. He continued his questioning. "You are here to motivate us...how do you feel about that."

"Well, I'm always glad to meet new people and-" Mello cut him off.

"Meeting new people...hm...and how does that make you feel?" Mello said solemly, pretending to be interested. Mr. Wiggles answered.

"Well, as I said, I'm always glad to meet new people. I have a book filled with everyone I meet and I have at least eight hundred!" Mello nodded real seriously.

"And how do you feel about that?" Mr. Wiggles laughed nervously.

"Well, the more the merrier of course. Is that all the questions because then we can get started-"

"Actually, I have a question." Near said softly, not looking up from his puzzle. Mr. Wiggles looked, hestitant.

"Go ahead." Near nodded. Clack, clack.

"I noticed you seem to pefer the word 'well' when beginning your sentences. May I question as to why?" Clack. Clack. Cla-

"Isn't obivous," Mello sneered. "He doesn't have a big enough vocabulary to start with something else. Right now he's speechless." Mr. Wiggles closed his eyes for a few seconds._ Count to ten. One. Two. Three. Four...Five..._ Finally he opened them. He smiled a strained smile.

"Starting a sentence with 'well' when asked a question is a habit of mine. Is that all the questions? If so-"

"Wait! Can you turn slightly to the left? That would be the perfect angle to sketch..." Mr. Wiggles turned slightly.

"Is this good...?" Linda smiled at him.

"Call me Lisa." Wiggles nodded.

"Very well. Lisa, is this good?" Linda nodded.

"Okay. Good, good. Now, when you look in the mirror, what do you see?"

"What if we're blind? If we're blind we aren't going to see anything. Then how are we going to answer your stupid question?" Mello scowled and took an angry bite of choclate. Wiggles sighed.

"Are you blind?" Mello scoffed.

"Looking at you I wish I was. Blue is not your color."

"Well, then you don't have to worry about that." L spoke up, taking his thumb away from his mouth.

"Actually, Mike(Mello) has a valid point. For all you know, we could have been blind and you would have offended us." Wiggles blinked.

"I'm sorry. Now, just to be sure, is anyone blind?"

"No."

"Nah, I can see."

"Unfortunately, no."

"I can see everything fine."

"Neggative."** (Can you guess who said what?)** Wiggles nodded and snapped his fingers.

"Now, back to the question. What do you see when you look in the mirror?" He looked around the room.

"A girl...with blonde hair..and..blue eyes?" Linda said.

"A devilishly, sexy, young man!" Mello called out to the room. Matt shook his head, not looking up from his game.

"My picture must have been taped to the mirror." Mello scowled.

"Your picture would brake the mirror befpre it got taped up."

"Whatever you say man-who-looks-like-a-lady." Mello took another bite of chocolate.

"I DO NOT look like a lady."

"You do have a slight feminine look, Mike-kun." Mello gave L a dirty look. He opened his mouth to retort, but Mr. Wiggles interrupted.

"What I meant is, What type of personality do you see in yourself?" Silence. Near spoke up.

"Personality wise...I fail to see why you didn't say that in the first place. I believe that would have saved some time." Near twirled his silver hair between his fingers. L agreed.

"I think that as well." Matt smirked.

"He was probaly trying to be all deep and metaphorical and shit." Mello laughed.

"He failed." Mr. Wiggles breathed out slowly.

"The _He_ whom you're referring to is here."

"Oh, we know." Matt told him. Wiggles shook his head.

"How about we try something else?" He continued without answer.

"Now, I want you all to know that you are _all_ unique and special-"

"Wait a second-"

"Would that really give you an appropiate length of time to say what you wish to Mike?" Near inquired. Mello scowled.

"Shut up Nick!" Mello gave him a dirty look.

"As I was saying," He continued. "If we are all unique and special, how does that make us unique and special?" Mr. Wiggles looked lost for a second. He hesitated.

"Well..." Mello continued like he hadn't talked.

"So what you're saying is "You're unique and special Johnny-"" Matt glanced at him through his goggles.

"Johnny? Seriously? Johnny, of all names? You couldn't have picked something kickass, like...Oh...Matt, for instance?" Mello glared at him.

"It's just a name, okay! As I was saying," He, again, glared at Matt. "What you're basically saying is "You're unique and special Johnny, just like everybodyelse." How the hell is that supposed to 'motivate' them?" Again, the motivator hesitated.

"Well, try not to focuse on the everybody else part. Wouldn't you rather be special even if everybone else was, then not at all? I would, personally. I know I am just an old man but the way I think of it, not everyne one loves to draw. If you do, then congrads! Thousands of other people do, but what sets you apart is when you like to do things they don't or when you react to situations differently. I think of it like something that you have to eliminate everything else to get who you are. No one will get the same answer, and that's the way it should be. Not everyone is addicted to sugar or games. Not everyone is a smart aft with a god complex, who will grow up to become a mass murder when they 'mysteriously' receive a notebook that can kill forty seconds after writing someone's name in said notebook." Everyone stared at him in shock.** (Chrip, chrip, chrip) **He continued, getting a wild look in his eye.

"And not every man on earth, will get a hot girlfriend who they loved, and have been going out for two years, only to find out that they have _the nerve_ to cheat on them with their ex-boyfriend, who, by the way, they _really liked_!" He had started off slow but gradually got faster and louder with each word. Again, they all stared in silence. He then started pacing around the room.

"And not everyone will have the _privlage_ of getting fired from their elephant-ball-sucking**(I give credit to T- I mean, 'The Quaag' for that phrase, and, no matter what she says, the idea for this story was mine!) **crappy job, at the newspapaer stand down the street from McDoland's**(BA-DAP-BA-BAAA-BA ! I'M! LOVIN'! IT!) **who, when lucky, might just be able to pick-up some one-night flings and ends up having to work for freakin' mental kids who need motivated! Kira, I-"

"Aha! Watari! Take him away! He must be Kira!" L started mumbling to himself, nodding ocasionally. Then he started talking for everyone to hear.

"After all, Kira hasn't been invented yet, so, he must have knowledge of a Kira being formed. Two plus two is four, and if you add four to Kira...yes...it's all coming together now. I knew it all along. You see, this was all part of my plan. MY brilliant plan...yes. Yes. Yes! YES!" L sat in his crouch, leaning forward, panting, his eyes wide.

**Miles away, in the Kanto region of Japa- I mean, a secret, remote location in which no one shall every find or be told of by Harvey the Wonder Hamster...**

"Ha. Huh, huh. Huh, huh, huh. Huh, huh, huh, huh! Huh, huh, ha, ha! HA, HA, HA, HA! AH, HA, HA, AH, HA, HA, HA! I got you this time L! YOU MEDIOCRE DUNCE! LUDACRIS FOOL! **(Who knows what this is from? If you do, I pity you.)** It's me L! It's me, Yagami-spelled-backwords Light you want! You suspected me and everything, but I was too smart for you!"

** Hey! First Quaag, I know you wanted to do it together, but, honestly, I got tired of waiting. Plus, I had already started this story. Another thing, sorry mary for any and all grammar (at least I spelled grammar right) mistakes or any spelling mistakes. I'm sure I'll hear about it later. And Quaag, don't even attempt to say the idea was yours. You may have helped. I swear, I'll kick your aft.**

** Check out mine, Mary-sue's, and The Quaag's story "Darling I love you but I won't smile for you" under Harry Potter, my other story, and Quaag's Broken Blade! They kick-ass...well, most of them do. ;) **

** Wow, that winky face looks weird. Wonder how it looks on fanfic? Maybe I should just post a story of a wink face! Then I wouldn't have to worry about the summary..although I don't people would be too happy lookin' for a good story and ending up with a winky face. Although that would give people some to curse. You know, they'd be in the middle of a test "I hate you Harvey! Screw you, winky!" _That_ would be an awkward conversation to have with your teacher. Oh! Screwing screw! You have to admit, that is pretty funny. Can you imagine...anyway! **


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